what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
