At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
