dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I puked a lego.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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