Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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