Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
