I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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