i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
