i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
