No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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