i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
