Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I love how my cats smell like pot.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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