holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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