2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
