cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
