I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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