Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
