I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
