I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize