hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
