is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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