I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
