all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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