Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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