My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I fill condoms, not promises.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
