there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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