Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
