this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
