My sheets look like a crime scene.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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