taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize