ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
