Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
