okay pat passed out under dana's car
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize