I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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