I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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