We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
