Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
