I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
