hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
