he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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