I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
