You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
