I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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