Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I came so hard my ears popped.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
