I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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