I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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