I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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