i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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