You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
