jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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