well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
