i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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