you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
