now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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