How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
