So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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