Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize