Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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