My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
