My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
