jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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