You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
