how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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