I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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