is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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